Road less Traveled

As our loved ones age they must learn to process feelings related to losing those in their inner circle. My grandad graduated high school in 1938. He had a class of over 100. Those that are still living independently meet every month for breakfast. It is less than 20. He tells me that conversation usually involves another friend or schoolmate that is in the hospital or is no longer " with us". He tells me that they also discuss their wonderful grandchildren.
Our loved ones need our support as they go through losses on a regular basis. Many of my clients read the obituaries daily. " gotta keep up with the gossip" is a statement from one of my male clients. He laughs, but also discusses the feelings of loss and even the difficulty of making new friends " at my age".

Here are a few ideas families can utilize as they support their aging loved one thru losses:

-Spending time with the person. An older adult who often seems to be alone can benefit from your company. Invite him or her to go for a walk or have a cup of coffee. Feelings of loneliness may last for a long time when an older adult has lost something or someone special, especially a spouse.
-Talking about the loss. Ask the person to talk about his or her loss. Older people, especially those who have experienced several losses over a short period of time, are often helped by sharing memories of the person they lost.
-Older adults often have more than one loss to deal with at a time. Talking about each separate loss may help identify the person's feelings. Separating losses from one another may also help the person feel less overwhelmed and more able to cope with emotional distress.

Try not to remind them that this is a normal part of aging. We all know that one- maybe to well.
Do not try to keep them busy- A few activities is fine- encourage them to keep the normal routine is also fine, but occupying every moment does not give them the opportunity to process the losses, at some point they need to explore their emotions. Some older people may not even realize their feelings of sadness are grief.

As a case manager I have met with more than one person over the age of 100, most have even outlived at least one of their children. They have all shared with me how it feels to outlive loved ones. I met with a 104 year old this past winter, she said " I think I am on the road less traveled, so I guess I should pass on wisdom " She told me- read the Bible, give and receive an overabundance of hugs, and eat chocolate.

Advice I definitely will use.

Receiving an Education

I think I learn more from my clients than they could ever imagine. I have been assisting a widow as he relocates to his daughter's home in another state( he is 80). He was educated at Princeton, and has traveled the world. This is a highly intelligent gentleman entering the time of reflection in his life.
This man has not let go of any tangible items in at least thirty years. He knows he has " a lot of stuff"- and sometimes laughs as we go thru his belongings "Why did I keep this?" We found his check statements back to 1972. He did let me put those in the shredder( to 2003).
I have learned about investing, traveling, photography and true love.
I told him last week- about my new effort to take less pictures. He laughed- " because of me".

Yep- I have packed away 6 large rubbermaid containers of his photos- most of which he admits he has never viewed. " I will get to it".
His daughter calls me- " please get him to get rid of some things". I was able to eliminate two boxes worth. I did get him to throw out old newspaper clippings- " I want to give them to the kids". I remind him that the kids have said that they would prefer that he did not keep these items. We are having an estate sale- he is not keeping his furniture.
As we go thru pictures of his wife- he shows me pictures from every anniversary. He still smiles when he looks at the pictures. I do not think my blog can do justice to his love for his wife. They met in High school, married had three kids and lived a "happily ever after life".
I feel so privileged to be a part of lives of older adults.
Next week- we take on the spare room and the " kids rooms"( the youngest has been out of the house since '88). I already did a quick look around- I found the silver in his daughters old room.
As a senior case manager at Senior Care Management ( http://www.scmanagementar.com/) I am able to work with aging adults and their families to provide service coordination and to work as liaison when families live out of state. I look forward to posting more adventures.